Friend Zone: Watch it! Before You Get in The Dreaded Zone

The feeling that comes with being friend zoned is not as cosy as the name suggests. Friend zone is a position where no one wants to be. It is a situation (condition) where one falls in love and all the other party wants is just friendship. No one likes it there. It is a dreaded zone. 

But the irony of it all is that as dreaded as friend zone is, everyone who has ever been there earned himself the right in the first place, albeit without realising it. No one has ever been friend zoned without his consent! Friend zone is not somewhere anyone can lead you, unless you are readily willing. But what makes it the most worrisome is that anyone can fall a victim...

Hey! Don't get it twisted, your being friend zoned depends on you; it is a consequence of what you do rather than things you fail to do. So, in order to avoid this dreaded zone, there are don'ts you need to constantly keep in your consciousness. Make them your Rules of the Thumb, a guideline in your interaction with the opposite sex you have got the hots for.

• Don't get too familiar

It is okay to be friendly with a girl but it is not all right to get too familiar with a girl you are attracted to sexually. Most girls would prefer dating a guy whom they still have a few things to learn about to one they have known virtually everything about. It is the way they are wired...they are a curious specie. 

• Don't delay your decision

There is no faster alley to friend zone than waiting till you know a girl better before deciding to be romantic. Make your intention to be involved known right from the outset. Let what you feel about her be in her subconsciousness from the word go.

• Don't try too hard

In order to be close to a girl, do not fall prey to doing all you can just because you want her to approve of you. Being at a girl's beck and call before dating is a trick that will succeed in landing you in the friend zone 95 percent of the times.

• Don't be afraid of rejection

Do not let the fear of getting a 'No' for an answer make you settle for being 'just friends' with a girl, with the hope that someday she would see how a great 'boyfriend-material' you are. Women are mostly influenced by what you tell them and not what they perceive of you. An a**hole who speaks his mind to a girl will succeed where a good guy who keeps mute about his feelings fails. And whoever says when a woman gives you a 'No' is definitive!

• Don't play the boyfriend

Try all you can to avoid creating the impression that you can be a girl's 'substitute-boyfriend'. The danger of this is that once a girl realises that she can enjoy all the benefits only her boyfriend should necessarily give from you with no string attached, you have succeeded in landing yourself in the dreaded friend zone. Do not play the boyfriend when you are not one!

• Don't be her Drain-waste-vent (DWV)

Every girl needs that friend with the listening ear and comforting words to pour out the frustrations of her relationship. Do not be that person to her, unless you are willing to be friend zoned!

There is no problem with being friends with the opposite sex, if that is what you want. But unless that is the intention, save yourself the heartache that comes with being friend zoned. The efforts it will take to get out of the friend zone you leisurely walk into is very daunting. And God help you, if getting out is not a moment too late!


I smell a New Year happening soon... Oh, can it come already! And for this, I wish you a Love Mills HAPPY NEW YEAR in advance! See you in 2017!

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The 'Real Man' in a Relationship: Who Is He?

'Who is a real man?' As simple as this question appears, some of the reactions and responses I got when the question was raised have prompted this post. Some of the responses are as laughable as some are implausible.

Who is a real man? Is he:

• a work of fiction?
• a macho man or a hunk?
• a sex machine?
• a man who takes utmost care of his looks?
• a man who has made all the money his woman will ever need?
• a man who has his ways easily with women?
• a man who can put a woman in the family way?

The one answer to all the above definitions of who a real man should be, is an emphatic NO!

Now, let us take an in depth look at my analysis of whom I believe a 'real man' should be.

1. He loves and respects his woman for who she is.

A real man is a man who treats his woman with love, dignity and respect. He is a man who showers his love and attention on his lady true beauty which lies within her sensibilities and personality. He will readily cook her her a favourite meal, take her out for some 'nice time' away from home and shower her with gifts anytime he can help it. He also expects his woman to feel this way about him.

2. He stands up for the relationship.

A real man does not put his woman or his relationship down. Instead, he stands up for himself and defends the legitimacy and integrity of his his partner and the relationship.

3. He commits fully to the relationship.

A real man is loyal to his partner and puts in all the necessary efforts required to keep the relationship strong and healthy. He keeps his devotion to stay truthful to his lady at all times. He believes in honest communication and team work. His affection to his woman is a full-time commitment.

4. He protects his partner physically and emotionally.

A real man acts as a protective foil to his partner physically, financially and emotionally. He gives every to comfort and make her feel everything will be okay, in her difficult moments. He is ready to throw a good punch if necessary to defend her from physical aggressors. However, he thinks before he acts. He never makes a move until he is sure all details and specifics are in order. His moves are calculated, deliberate and assured. Abuse of any kind is never an issue when he is with his woman. He is a considerate kind of guy who treats everyone kindly.

5. He takes the first initiative—he leads.

A real man is a leader. He steps forward and addresses issues in the relationship boldly. He does not wait for the woman to solve problems. He does not play it safe and so avoid taking actions for the fear of being criticised. He is not scared to make mistakes. He is not opposed to seeking help or advice, when he is not so sure of what to do.

7. He steps up and makes the tough decisions.

A real man is decisive and he makes decisions in the relationship. He does not leave every other decision to his partner. When making decisions, he listens to his partners views and is flexible enough to tinker his decisions while taking his woman's views into consideration.

8. He takes responsibility for his actions and decisions.

A real man does not shy away from taking responsibities for his actions and inactions. He does not shift blame or try to defend his mistakes. He acknowledges when he has made a mistake, apologizes for it, learns from it and works to make it right. He is not too big to say, “I am sorry.” He is someone who is always well disposed to being corrected.

8. He fulfills his partner mentally and sexually.

A real man is fully aware that relationship is not just all about romance and passionate love making.  Thus, he tries as much as possible to engages his woman in meaningful discussions about life, plans with her for the future, and cracks jokes to lighten and liven moments together. He displays an awareness, intelligence and sensitivity that makes his actions not only timely, but also genuinely charming.

9. He pursues other passion(s) that do not involve his partner.

A real man has enough going on in his life to keep him busy. The relationship does not define him. He is, at least, passionate about one other thing besides his relationship. He gives his woman her 'space' to lead a her own life. He is a calculative, ambitious and confident go-getter.

10. He speaks his mind—always.

A real man is not afraid to say exactly what he has on his mind. He will say only the things he means. He is straightforward and talk to his woman as an equal, and allow her to make her own conclusions or take whatever action she wishes. He is not autocratic. But he is neither a 'Yes-man' too.

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Relationships: Better Based on Being in Love or Having Mutual Understanding?

There is no denying the fact that many of the relationship stories you have heard of or read about would have left you in great bewilderment over whatever made things go wrong. There is even a good chance that your personal experience(s) at sharing relationship with that man/woman has/have left you at the mercy of unprecedented consternation.

I am sure that we all have one heartrending story of a relationship to tell when quizzed. But I am in doubt, if many of us have been too willing to face the truth: analysing what really made a once great relationship nosedive into a devastating ending. 

Let us face it, many people would readily argue that love is the most important ingredient needed to keep a relationship afloat. But haven't a great number of relationships that started out built on love ended in shambles? We all talk of our first loves, but how many people have really ended up with their first loves? Hasn't love failed, time and again, in keeping relationships going? The sad truth remains that every heartbreak story you have ever heard, read or even experienced was once a love story.

Don't get it twisted, I am an ardent proponent of LOVE in relationships. And I believe that love is a needed spice in creating a sparkling appealing feel in every relationship. Yet, I am still not going to deny that I strongly don't agree to the notion that to have a relationship that makes for a happy ending, love is the key. Love makes a relationship tick. Yes! But without doubt, love has failed a lot of relationships too. Anyone willing to argue this? 

So, on what should relationship be based you want to ask aloud? I am of convinced opinion that relationships should be entrenched in mutual understanding rather than love. Mutual understanding in relationship proves to have succeeded where 'being in love' has failed! Yes, you can love someone you don't understand. Remember the cliche, love at first sight? So, it is possible to love someone you do not understand. Loving someone whom one does not understand is the reason one suspects one's partner's every move. And I believe you will agree with me that domestic violence stems from lack of mutual understanding between partners.

Many sad relationship experiences, in a nutshell boil down to things not being mutual. Being in love with someone who you do not understand or vice versa brings with it lack of mutual interests, lack of mutual words and actions, lack of mutual values, lack of mutual care, trust and respect, and lack of mutual feelings in the relationship. And this will ultimately result in conflict of interests big enough to tear the relationship apart. Remember without mutual understanding, whatever you have in mind for your relationship is not going to happen. You can be in love on your own...but mutual understanding in a relationship takes two! 

Separate out what you think and feel. Remember that love, no matter how healthy it is, does not make you and your partner Siamese twins or Mystic Megs. It is great to fall in love, but it is better to do so with someone with whom you share mutual understanding. Love may set you out on a fantastic note in your relationship journey but mutual understanding is all that is needed, if you are going to last the whole length of the journey! 

Yeah, ten out of ten times, I would take being in a relationship with someone I understand and who understands me in return over falling head over heels in love with someone who barely understands what makes me tick. 

Your thoughts?

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10 Signs Your 'Partner' Is Not Ready for a Committed Relationship

The real reason most of us ever bother to get into a relationship in the first place is to make it a life-time experience. But some relationships are a waste of time as they have no future, irrespective of how long we may pursue them, because they lack the necessary ingredient to get them going: commitment from the two partmers involved.

We bring to you tell-tale signs to look out for in your partner to determine if (s)he is committed to making the relationship work.

You should realise your partner does not think anything serious about the 'relationship' you two share, if (s)he;

• has not built great relationships in the past

If your partner tells you all (s)he has ever had in the past were casual relatioships, you do not need a worse red flag to realise (s)he had not put much energy in the past to make a relationship a success. What is the guarantee (s)he feels any different about being with you. 

• not progressive about the relationship

A relationship, like a plant, requires being nurtured to grow. The nurturing brings about an evolution that leads the realationship to solidity and certainty. However, if your partner does not see the need to put in the necessary efforts to help your relationship progress or develop into maturity, then it is an obvious signal (s)he is not ready for something real.

• avoids your family and friends

If your partner avoids meeting people who are really close and intimate to you, it can only mean (s)he sees your family or friends as elements that represent commitment and responsibility; one thing (s)he is not really ready for.

• prefers to take rather than to give

Relationship should be about give and take. But if your partner is all about taking, without willing to make any sacrifice of his/her own, believe me, the relationship is going nowhere as far (s)he is concerned.

• makes unnecessary demands

If your partner wants you to be a perfectionist and would nag to distract you from what good moments that could be born from your relationship, know this is a ploy (s)he is merely using to make you believe his/her not getting committed to you is all your fault. But the reverse is the case.

• is elusive

Does your partner appear vague about what (s)he wants from you? Whether in discussions or actions, being elusive is a sign your partner does not seek commitment with or from you.

• wants to be free

If your partner wants no attachment, but rather prefers being free, it is a clear signal he is not pusuing commitment with you. There is a marked difference between desiring one's space and thinking nothing about sharing quality time with one's partner

• has been hurt so many times

This is a red flag. Being hurt makes he/she go easy on being committed and providing anything assuring because really they find it difficult to go through that pain of investing emotions and losing it at the end of the day. They would prefer to play it safe and stay away from something real.

• dwells on the negatives of being in a relationship

Does your partner see the positives in your relationship? If all your partner ever does is concentrate his/her energy on your flaws and the things you are not doing right, (s)he is not ready for the real thing. (S)He is only employing the negative tactics to keep you from being fully involved. 

• has issues with trusting you

A great relationship is about trusting one's partner. A partner who cannot seem to trust you, especially with his/her emotions and feelings is not willing to take things to the 'next level' yet. 

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12 Reasons You Will Always Struggle to Make Relationship Work!

The real reason most people bother to start a relationship at all, I believe, is to make it work for a lifetime. But this objective is hardly achieved most of the time. Why is this so? Why does making a relationship work almost an impossible task for some people, even when that is all they ever care for? 

Are there rules that must be followed to make relationship work which some people do not seem to know about?

Anyone can get into a relationship but not everyone can keep a relationship. Making a relationship work is much more a daunting task than getting into it. As a matter of fact, keeping a relationship requires much more efforts than what one puts in to start one. But rather unfortunately, this is a secret that is known to relatively few people. 

Failed relationship can be hurting, especially when one has invested much time, emotions and sometimes finance. If you are one of those who finds it near difficult to keep relationship working, it is time you had a self-examination in order to find out what you might not have been doing too right and unlearn them. Yes, there are many times when broken relationship is the fault of the other partner. However, if you often uncannily find yourself in and out of relationships regardless of who is at fault, it is time to examine why it is not working out for you. 

You are always going to have struggles making relationship work, if;

1. You have a runny mouth 
Nothing is wrong with you saying things as they are. But there is a danger when you do not know when to stop. There comes a point where making your point becomes harmful. Bare your mind but not with the intention to undermine your partner's feelings and ego.

2. You tell everybody your damn business 
Your friends are your support system, but they can be a gift or a curse. They can be there for you when you’re hurt, but they can also stir the hornet's nest in your relationship, if you always take everything that happens in your love affairs to them. Be careful whose advice you take, the truth is, not every piece of advice you get serves your relationship right.

3. You are unwilling to accept that you’ll need to make some changes in your life 
“I’m not going to change for anybody” is always the extreme of not knowing what “How can I be better?” really means. You have to realise that your relationship is not only about you and that you cannot be so good that your shortcomings cannot be worked on.

4. You believe others should put up with your problems 
“You should accept me flaws and all” is only half true. I’ve always said, “I accept that you have problems, but that doesn’t mean I’ll make them my own.” 
Deal with your problems, no one is meant to live with them!

5. You’re too inconsistent 
You say you know what you want, you say you know what you don’t want, but you allow the two to mix sometimes. Do not come across your partner as someone who does not know what he/she wants in life.

6. You’re not ugly, you're just unattractive 
Too often people confuse looks with attraction. I know plenty of beautiful women and good looking men who are not attractive. It may be personality traits, or they have only heavily relied on their looks and haven’t focused on their entire being to become completely whole. You have to know one fact: your ugly characters would definitely undo whatever relationship your good looks might get you.

7. You’re too critical 
Do you know anyone without his flaws? Your perfect ten is probably not the person you envision your partner to be when you jot it down on paper. You just cannot expect your man or woman to come off-the-shelf like that too. You are knocking down potential and people who may meet your 80%, just because you find minor flaws.

8. Your network of friends is not helpful 
You are the company you keep. You have to have positive reinforcements in your life. It doesn’t mean that you have to have married friends, or friends with children. It means you have to have a positive network that is beautiful, instead of looking like a war zone of love.

9. You haven’t learned to let go 
Acceptance is a part of life that some people always struggle with. You have to learn to accept that some things that happened in your past are better left there. Do not hold on to those unfortunate incidents of the past because you think that letting go of them means you consider them okay. Do not be someone who digs up every little thing your partner did not do right in the past whenever an issue comes up in your relationship.

10. You’ve got too much pride 
Pride will stand in your way. It will make you quit a relationship because you feel slighted at a certain point, rather than doubling down and making it work. When you start concerning yourself with how you look to others instead of how you feel on the inside, you lose.

11. You want what you deserve, but you don’t want to earn it 
You probably think you deserve the world, and maybe you are right too. You want your partner to treat you like a king/queen but without you reciprgocating same efforts. Things do not work that way: you have to put in the necessary work too. Isn't it just natural that you should treat people the way you will love to be treated?

12. Your past becomes baggage instead of lessons learned 
You have always brought the hurts and disappointment of past relationships to the current one. That only serves one purpose; encumbering your beautiful present which should be enjoyed with unfortunate past which adds no value. Constantly remind yourself that everything that happens in your life, happens for a reason. It is all right not to miss the lessons which past experiences intented to teach you. But do not let the ugly experiences in past relationship create a mental block in you. 

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12 STEP BY STEP GUIDES TO A GREAT RELATIONSHIP

Nothing that depends on human efforts happens by chance. The same is true about good relationships, they almost never just happen. They usually are a combination of hard work, honest communication, and going the extra mile to add a little magic. 

Here are 12 basic steps for creating a great relationship...

  

Step 1 

Be bold: Be willing to take the next step, to take the initiative. Do not wait until you are perfectly sure that this person is right for you. If you feel a strong attraction, take the risk and see what happens. Without this adventurous spirit you count too much on the other person to make the relationship happen.

  

Step 2

Be patient: Once you have begun the relationship, do not be in a hurry to forge a deep and meaningful bond. Build in a patient, step-by-step manner. Do not be pushy, but be persevering. If the relationship hits a rough patch, do not impulsively abandon ship. See how you can grow from the experience, and how to use it to build a stronger bridge between you and your partner.

  

Step 3 

Communicate pleasantly: In the early stages of a relationship, deep talk about strong emotional issues may actually send the other person running. You are just getting to know one another. Be witty. Enjoy fun chatting. Speak of entertaining matters more than serious matters. Share information, but nothing too heavy.

  

Step 4

Share emotionally nurturing experiences: Spend time with one another “playing house”. At this stage, you will begin to feel more like family. Accept that. Respect your partner’s increased vulnerability and respond with sensitivity. This is a stage for building emotional trust and a lasting level of closeness.

  

Step 5

Let yourself shine: Avoid becoming so entangled in the relationship that you lose your individuality. It is possible to be TOO concerned with the other person’s feelings and sensitivities. Do not be afraid to allow your greatness to glow. Perform in ways that shows off your talents and your gifts. Be open and forthright enough to express what you want to do, to let things revolve around you to the degree necessary for you to feel that you are being true to who you really are.

  

Step 6

Get serious: Pledges of loyalty are in order, or at least both need to understand the expectation of fidelity. Honesty is required to move things forward, even when that seems a bit painful. Be careful to avoid overanalyzing your partner though. There may be a tendency to become hyper-critical, as you move closer together and experience more emotional dependency upon one another.

  

Step 7

Work at getting along: After some painful self-exposure, a more diplomatic approach to one another may very likely be in order. You may no longer like everything about your partner, but that just means that some accommodating is in order. You are not going to like everything about anyone. Focus on harmonizing, on enjoying peaceful, pleasurable experiences. If you try to make some final decisions about the relationship at this point, you will most likely feel terribly indecisive. The pros and cons may seem about even.

  

Step 8

Advance to deeper inner planes: Your spiritual interests or paths will need to be reconciled at this point, and your sexual bond will become far more significant to both of you. You will be wanting more of one another, and it may feel like a sacrifice to give it – but it is a worthwhile sacrifice, because you are heading into a level of far deeper and more satisfying oneness. As a consequence of your bond, you both may feel like you are turning into different people. Your relationship is ending your old life and giving birth to a new one.

  

Step 9

In the previous stage there was probably a tendency toward enclosing the two of you in a kind of cocoon, and being very concentrated together.  Now it is time to balance that out. Get out of any rut that may have begun to form. Travel far and wide, even if you travel apart. You need some space to reconnect with your individuality and you need to join with others for the refreshing sense of social expansion.  

  

Step 10

Begin plan for the future: You have built something and you will want to make use of it. Now is the time to begin forming mutual goals for how you want the relationship to serve your lives. Do you want children? Are you also married to a career? Where do you both want to live? It is time to get very practical, to make the relationship part of the whole life-success that you are after.

  

Step 11

This is the quirkiest stage of the relationship. You might find that your individualities and eccentricities get a bit in the way. A rebellious, free spirit may take hold. Do not struggle to rein in your partner. Permit the freedom of movement and self-expression that is desired. For the two of you to be happy together, you need to feel free to discover yourselves, to change, to feel liberated rather than penned in by the relationship.

  

Step 12

The union is now here: You feel what the other feels and think what  the other thinks. There is a melding. Now spirituality will have a serious place. You will need to feel that your relationship is in tune with the universe, that it is truly meant to be. To accomplish this, try engaging in spiritual practice or a religious path either together or separately. If you can grow spiritually together, you will KNOW that you are meant to be. This is a time for meditating to get clear deep within that this relationship is right for you.

Let's hear your thoughts, if the article is helpful. Better still, you can share your thoughts on things to do to forge a great relationship... 

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Are There Two Ways to Love?

He holds her hands fondly, looks into her eyes and says with passion plainly written in his amiable voice, "How I love you!"

But she on her part wonders with doubts all over her mind, if his gentle touch, his  painstaking words, his passionate voice and the look of affection clearly in his eyes are true!

Why?

Isn't love supposed to have a universal meaning?

Or does everyone love in his or her own different way?

Does love hold different meanings for men and women?

Are there really two separate ways to love: one for men and the other for women?

Please, before my mind drives me crazy, I need your insightful and perceptive opinions!

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10 Relationship Killers You NEED To Avoid

Some relationships are just not meant to be and letting go would be the only sensible thing to do. At the same time, it is wrong to admit that all relationships that are faced with challenges are not right. There are times you and your partner know your relationship is the right one for you, but yet you cannot seem to make it work. The truth is, like all life endeavours, all relationships have their hiccups. And the ability or inability to surmount such challenges through conscious efforts of the partners involved is what would eventually define the outcome. Analysing the ills your relationship is faced with is the first step to getting around them.There are many things that can affect a relationship, but the worst of them are highlighted below:

1. DISTRUST

The first of the primary things that could kill a relationship is definitely a lack of trust. A relationship without trust basically does not have anything.The reality about this is that you will not give the best of you to someone you do not trust or who you are convinced has his/her reservation about anything you do. A relationship fraught with suspicions will, without doubt, wither on the vine. If there are trust issues in your relationship, you need to get to the root cause of them and talk them out with your partner.

Try all in your power to conquer any trust issue in your relationship. After all, what is the essence of being with someone you do not trust?

2. LACK OF GOOD COMMUNICATION FLOW

An untended gap in communication flow in any relationship can lead to a lot of problems. Show me a relationship where the partners do not often communicate or share things, and I will show you a relationship devoid of fun - an important ingredient in keeping any love endeavour. Partners should try as much as possible to discuss important issues - personal challenges, dreams et al. Partners in a relationship that is lacking in good communication flow will have difficulty in understanding each other's feelings. Fights will take longer than necessary to get sorted out or probably never get resolved. The dearth of communication in a relationship will ultimately result in its death.

As much as possible and it is convenient, you need to sit down and talk to your partner, even about mundane things. Good communication is a needed lubricant to oil the wheel of any relationship, if it is going to last the test of time.

3. INSECURITY

The feeling of insecurity in a relationship can be difficult to handle, especially when either of the partner does not know or understand how the other person feels. The basic cause of insecurity is the fear of losing one's partner. And this fear may stem from;

i. the opposite sex being easily attracted to one's partner,

ii. one's partner not making one feel special or appreciated

iii. one's partner spending too much time with friends and not calling as frequent as one deems necessary.

Whatever the case, once you have identified the reason behind your insecurity, make it a point to talk it out with your partner. Do not, as a rule, keep your feeling of insecurity to yourself. Let your partner know how you feel. But do not let your frustration show by pointing out to your partner you are insecure. Just mention that you do not feel loved at times and explain a few examples when you did feel insecure.

                                                        

Do not sound frustrated or sad, just say it matter-of-factly. If your partner truly loves and cares, he/she would try to reassure you and make you feel better afterwards.

4. GRUDGE KEEPING

There would be moments of offences in all relationships. And any relationship where all appears perfect is a relationship where pretence reigns. But when offences come, you should not hold grudges, because it is one of the things that negatively impact on relationships. When either partner in a relationship holds a grudge against the other, there is really no way of building a future together because the affected party would be living in the past of what did not go right.

                                       

Never delay whenever there is need to talk about any perceived offence, even if you need a third party to help you. Grudge keeping in no way helps your relationship.

5. TRYING TO GET EVEN IN PLACE OF FORGIVENESS

Getting even does not help a relationship heal. If you are feeling pain, do not take action that creates even more pain. Do not try to cover darkness with darkness. Find the light. Act out of love. Do something that will enable you to move forward towards a more fulfilling reality.If your partner makes a mistake that hurts you, and you want your relationship to grow beyond it, you have to start with forgiveness. Without it, the potential for long-term happiness in a relationship is impossible.Forgiving your partner does not imply you are weak; forgiving him/her simply show you are strong enough to know that human beings make mistakes. Forgiveness is giving up your craving to hurt them for hurting you. It does not mean you are erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you are letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move forward with your life… and hopefully move forward with your relationship too.

6. LIVING IN THE PAST

Your past relationship belonged only in one place: the past. Exes do not have any place in a new, current relationship. The constant presence of exes in a relationship would stunt its growth and could kill it. Now, this is not saying you cannot be on friendly terms with an ex or talk to your partner about a past relationship. Partners in a relationship should endeavour not to be hung up on an ex, if they want the relationship to move forward. Remember, you are no longer in your past relationship for a reason.

7. BEING TOO BUSY FOR YOUR PARTNER

The best gift you can give someone you love is the purity of your full presence. Presence is complete awareness, or paying full attention to “the now.” If you do not find at least some amount of presence in the moments you share with your partner, it is impossible to listen, speak, compromise, or otherwise connect with them on a meaningful level.

To cultivate your presence, all you need to do is sit quietly for as long as you desire and put your full attention on your breath – thinking only of what each inhale and exhale feels like. Do not judge or resist your inner-workings. Simply accept and breathe. Practice this a few times a day, and it will start to feel more natural. This way, when you are in the thick of a deep conversation with your partner, you can access that presence and listen without judgment or impatience, speak with clarity, and learn to fully connect and compromise.

Be present. Give your partner your full attention. Let them see their own beauty in your eyes. Let them find their own voice through your listening ears. Help them discover their own greatness in your presence.

8. FEELING TOO COMFORTABLE TO COMPLIMENT THE OTHER

The secret to a healthy, lasting relationship is not about how many days, months, or years you’ve been together, it’s about how much you truly love each other every day. You must directly express this love through your words and actions. It seems like such a small thing, but in our busy lives we often forget that a kind word, a helping hand, or just a smile and a quick “thank you” can create a bright spot in your partner’s life.

Relationships last a lifetime only when two people make a choice to keep it and work for it. Tell your partner you love them every night, and prove it every day. These acts of love don’t need to be extravagant; they just need to be true.

Also, acknowledging and appreciating each other’s daily victories is one of the most loving things two people can do for each other. So before going to bed every night, take a moment to openly discuss and appreciate three things you each accomplished during the day, no matter how small. Compliment each other and celebrate together. What we focus on expands. What we appreciate, appreciates in value.

9. WANTING TO BE RIGHT

When it comes to closest relationships, you do not always have to be right, you just have not to be too worried about being wrong. Ask yourself, “Does it really matter?” Oftentimes, it is far better to be kind than to be right.

Express your opinions freely and politely with your partner, remembering that if your purpose is to ridicule or prove them wrong, it will only bring bitterness into your relationship. Respecting their opinion, without judging or jumping to conclusions, always carries more weight than simply being right.

Life is so much better when you focus on being happy together, rather than worrying about who is more right as an individual.

10. RESISTING COMPROMISE

Good relationships do not just happen, and they are neither built solely on a foundation of convenience. They take time, patience, efforts, and two people who want to be together and are willing to meet in the middle. When there is a disagreement, they work out a solution that works for both parties – a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change or completely give in.

Ultimately, love is when another person’s happiness is equally as important as your own. It’s not only about romance, candle-lit dinners and walking hand in hand; it’s about a lifetime of commitment and cooperation. Two people do not stay in love because they sleep in the same bed, but because they share the same foundation of honesty, trust, and respect.

Afterthoughts

The greatest relationships take a great deal of work. They do not just happen, or maintain themselves. They thrive only when two people make an effort and take the risk of sharing what it is that is going on in their heads and hearts.

Keep in mind that every relationship has ups and downs, every couple argues, and that is the way it should be – you are a partnership, and partnerships cannot function without regular communication and compromise. When you do not talk it out, there is a lot of important stuff that ends up not getting said.

And, above all, remember that it is not all about you. There is greatness in doing something you dislike for the sake of someone you love.

It is true that opposites attract…but they also say that like attracts like. You and your partner have to have something in common, even if you don't share every interest. When you don't have any common interests, you run the risk of getting bored and drifting apart. Even if the two of you come up with a new hobby together, make sure there is something you can do together, at which you both have fun.

And remember, do not allow someone else's relationship to definr yours. There is a chance, what you see from a distance isn't what it is with them.

There are many things that could kill a relationship, but none of them are insurmountable. Clearly, however, you and your partner have all it takes to weather all storms in your relationship.

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