As soon as was Mike lodged into his room in Ocean-View Hotel, the first thing he did was switched off his phones. But before that, he had put a call through to his secretary to reach him through the hotel desk, but that should happen only if his attention was direly needed. He wanted no interaction with the outside world. He tried as much as possible not to think about anything but himself, his life and all he represented. He wanted to figure out what he actually wanted deep down in himself. To love or not to venture that road again?
He began unpacking in order to keep his thought from darting here and there. He was mid way into emptying the box when he reached the Manila envelope he had brought along from his office. He picked up the envelope and sat at the edge of the bed. He opened the big envelope and brought out a smaller white envelope. He emptied its content on the bed. He spread the photographs on the bed as his eyes moved from one to the other. The six faces that stared back at him had one thing in common; they were women whose hearts he had broken. He arranged them in order of chronology.
Mike picked up the first picture. Her big smile triggered off his memory of her. Her name was Tade. He had met her during his internship. She was a nurse who practically threw herself at him. She was the first to be dealt the blow of the heartache he was just smarting from. And it was delivered in the crudest of ways. There was really no reason for the measure he had taken on her that night. He could remember beating her to a pulp before he had sex with her forcefully. And to make it all worse, he had thrown her out of the house in the dead of the night, not minding her pleas.
Then he took a cursory look at the next photograph before picking it up. Jane had come into the picture some four months after Tade. Mike had had to play the waiting game with her. It was not easy breaking down her defences. It took him a little over five months to achieve that. But in the end, her fate was similar to Tade’s. But unlike Tade, she had put up a real good fight. And it had taken all the man in him to overpower her. After her, Mike had felt the need to up his game.
Mike had to move to Lagos, when representatives of Manny Hospital came calling for his services. A job that changed the story of his life dropped on his lap out of the blue. Barely two weeks after joining the hospital, one moment of magic from him had helped save the life of Chris, the son of a business mogul. And Mike had got a special invitation to the homecoming party thrown for him. And it was at this party, that Mike had met Patricia, the face in the photograph that was next in line. Things clicked rather fast for them, as Patricia was a bit too willing. She was always willing to rub the fact that she had a medical doctor for a boyfriend in the face of her friends. And when Mike decided it was time he cut ties with her, he resolved to giving her a dose of her own pill. He had announced the break up on the night of her birthday, at the party he had thrown for her and right in the presence of the same friends in whose faces she had flaunted him.
There had been Kenny and Maria. Kenny had been treated to the shock of her life when Mike had invited her over when he was in bed with her twin sister. Maria’s fate was decided at a movie. He had excused himself to use the Gents and afterwards sent her a text to announce the break-up, just like a scene in that same movie.
But one thing became evident by the time Mike got to Harriet’s photograph, he was no longer getting the thrills these faces used to give him. Instead, he felt a kind of agony deep in his heart. He went through the pictures one after the other all over again. He could hear a voice in his head asking if these women deserved the fate he had meted out to them. He did not argue with the voice like he had always done for the first time. He knew all of them had loved and adored him in their own separate ways. And at that point he asked himself a question that he had never thought of over the years. What if the blow Nkem had dealt him had stemmed from her previous experience with men? And if that would not exonerate her, why should he feel his own actions were justifiable?
Mike could not tell where the hot tears that coursed down his cheeks came from. He made no attempt to stop the tears from flowing as he sobbed into the pillows. He wanted to ask God for forgiveness but was not sure, if God would grant him one. He rose to his feet and crossed to the fridge, he seized the bottle of Scotch he found in it. He had no use for cup as he carried the bottle to a chair, opened it and began gulping down the content. Anything to shut out the guilt that was enveloping him! But the tears yet flowed freely and only stopped when Mike dozed off on the chair.
* * *
Mike slept through all the afternoon. And when he woke up later in the evening, he felt drained of all his energy. He woke up with a head full of blues, a brain that was too big for his skull and a bladder about to burst. But the feeling of guilt he had been faced with earlier appeared to have receded. He got up and moved to the window side, not minding the uneasiness he felt from the swelling in his bladder. The sight of the expanse of the ocean that lay ahead seemed to remind and assure him of God’s infinite mercy. Right there, he closed his eyes and asked God to forgive him. He had to rush to the toilet to empty his urinary bladder after the prayers. He could feel a heavy burden lifted off his heart as if the discharge of the urine was God’s confirmation that his prayer of forgiveness had been granted. He decided to go for a swim to ease off the weakness in his body.
By the poolside, and after over thirty minutes of playing in the water, Mike lay wet with a towel around his waist on the mattress staring at the sky watching the sun set; the twilight was inviting. From a corner of his eyes, he could not help but watch a couple, the only two other people left, as they laughed and played like they were the only people who mattered to each other. Love must be a sweet experience when with the right person, he wondered. And for the first time, since he got to the hotel that day, Mike thought about Ifeoma. What about her made him feel this way? He tried to reflect on all that had happened since the day he met her. She was a debonair lady no doubt. He remembered vividly the day it had dawned on him, he was beginning to feel something for her. He could picture her lying on her back, in his bed. Her jet-black hair had spread around her head in a dark halo, her face tipped slightly to one side with a smile playing on her lips even in her sleep. She had looked so innocent that morning. And she had opened her eyes as if she was aware of his eyes on her. Mike had known that moment that something was brewing in him. And he had tried all he could to shake off the feeling to no avail.
He wondered why it had to be Ifeoma and not one of the others before her. Was she the one for him? Even though he knew Ifeoma was comfortable being with him, he could not tell, if this stem from any feeling she had for him or not. They had never got around to discussing what feelings they shared for each other. What if she was merely using him to get over Ken? It was a possibility that made Mike shiver.
One thing became certain before Mike left the poolside for his room that evening. He was no longer ashamed and angry with himself over his feelings. He was prepared to push his luck with Ifeoma. He was willing to try again for love!
